It was with a cold heart that I woke up that day. I wanted to get away from it all. I had enough of this cruel world. I wanted some peace. I wanted some bliss. I knew I had to go away and find it.

That was when I remembered the yogis. The masters who discovered themselves in the Himalayas. Then I had another thought. Of the ones that had perished in the Valley of death near Mount Everest. Then I made up my mind. I would either find my nirvana or perish trying. The answer was staring at me in my face. All I had to do was climb Mount Everest.

I went online and saw the panoramic view from the top. You’ll realize how I felt when you see it.

Then I saw that I needed sixty thousand dollars to that. Man! Even dying is an expensive proposition today. Inflation has hit the quest for nirvana. I envied the sages who could climb those mountains – ok- at least half way up there wearing nothing but a loincloth and surviving on whatever little they have.

Anyway, times have changed. *Sulking*.

That was when I remembered my pal – secret agent Q. One call to him and he was delighted to be of help. He said he’ll organize a loincloth. He then warned me in a severe tone that I would probably freeze to death at the base camp one. He told me to leave all the planning to him and concentrate on my mission- he named it – Operation Nirvana.

He then went about planning.

Meanwhile, an old man who lives by the sea was tipped off by the mad scientist that I am off to the Himalayas. He was livid with rage. He was a firm believer that bliss is always found bottled and stored. And all you needed to do was chill. He couldn’t understand why someone had to walk up those mountains to find bliss. Anyway, with a sarcastic “Serves him right. Let him melt all his accumulated fat”, he slammed the phone down.

The mad scientist – as usual – proved to be very helpful. He had absolutely no intention of letting me perish. I had become the proverbial “Golden Goose” – the secret to all his riches. He even got himself a cat that shows its posterior to blabbering politicians – with the royalties earned.

He just had to keep me alive. So he funded the 60K needed for the trip. I was amazed when I saw the cheque.

When I shared my plans with Achilles, he offered to accompany me. He proved himself to be the perfect officer and gentleman by keeping his word. Early next morning I saw him walking up to me – with fins and dorsal and what not.

I asked him why he needed all this paraphernalia and he just smiled. Where there is ice, there will be water. I guess that must have been the logic. Or someone has been telling him about the mermaids in Manasarovar.

Anyway, we set off. It was fun clomping through the knee-deep snow. Girish had called to give me some valuable tips. He had sent me some magazines – to read when it gets too cold.

After two days of strenuous hiking, we reached Base camp One. There was a tent and there was a beautiful lady who smilingly gave us a cup of hot steaming coffee. I was wondering who this angel might be, when I spied a couch inside the tent. Is it her? I mean who else would lug a couch around to the Himalayas? I gave her a big grin.

Later on I realized that she was there to make sure that I don’t turn back. Since Raj was away, he asked her to administer some pep talk and an ego massage and send me up, up and away.

Next morning I did that. Achi was singing. The snow was squishy. And in a distance I saw Penguins. Stupid birds. They can’t recognize genius when they see them. They had a dull, glazed, blank look in their eyes. Then they waddled away. Sad creatures. Why, they can’t even fly and they think they are fine birds.

I ignored them and continued walking. Destination Base camp two. Now the air was getting thinner and our breaths were like a smoker’s. Each huff and puff  spewed out white clouds of mist. The cold was seeping in through the gloves, the jackets, the vests, and all the layers of clothing. It was numbing.

By sundown, we finally saw the silhouette of a tent. It looked like a heart from afar. And when we came near, we saw that it was red. I was wondering who would climb half way up the snow clad mountains and pitch and red heart-shaped tent there. Ok, keep wondering.

Cut to next day morning.

The sun was red too, when I peered at it. Ok, now this is getting too long. I am going in a fast forward mode – Campthree, campfour, five, six, sev, ei…

Ok, we are at the summit. Is that a flag out there? Dang! I see a mad bunch of people huddled out there. So many on top of Mt. Everest? All smiling, ruddy faces. Hey, I know most of them. RRG is there. He’s lifting his golden glass up and winking at me. Kamalji looks drunk already. Avinashjee’s cat is showing his posterior. Is that Sups who is flinging snow at Dimmie?

Trrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnngggggggggggg!