I remember the story of a grumpy old man who used to regale his visitors with his sad life story. His main grouch was that he was the one who fills water in the tub at home. Chennai mid-summer, is notorious for water problems. The guests invariably imagine the poor man trudging along the pot-holed road, baring the sweltering heat and balancing a red plastic pot on his head, a yellow one on his hip. They suitably sympathize! I was also taken in by his story when his daughter let out the real truth. All he does is open a tap.

Oh yes, and he closes it too. Now, isn’t that hard work?

Aaaah, now that explains it! He’s a habitual cribber, quite like me!

I started cribbing early on in life. To be precise, the moment I was born. The Doctors were surprised. They expected me to cry. But no! I am made of sterner stuff. I cribbed. And when I kept on cribbing, the nurse pinched me!!!! I swear she did! And I am not making up stories! Then she held me upside down. That one moment changed my life for me. Things looked much better upside down. But that didn’t mean that I stopped cribbing. I still haven’t.

Just this morning, my coffee was too hot. It scalded my tongue. Oh yes, I like my coffee hot, but not this hot. I would have liked it say ten degrees Celsius less hot. And my newspaper didn’t smell fresh. Somehow it didn’t have the early morning fresh smell of newly dried ink. Naturally, I cribbed! Then when I logged on to Sulekha, I read the rant and raves of a woman who cribs at me. She was upset with not receiving notifications when I post something new. Ok. Now that’s reasonable. Fine. I was in a pretty good mood when an old man, a friend who lives by the sea called me to inform that Vat 69 in 1969 was only Rs.2/-. When you hear stuff like that, wouldn’t you crib? He could have bought a few truckloads and filled his house with it. He should have!

That brings me to my grandfather. He could have bought the city of the Bangalore in those days at those prices. Naaaaaaah. He didn’t do that. Ok, at least M.G Road? There’s a lot to crib about. Politicians, their antics, Roads, potholes, Inflation, global warming…I mean these are topics everybody loves to crib about. And yes, of course Sulekha!

Look at this blog! It will be seen by maybe a hundred, at the most a thousand. What about the remaining 664,998,000 fellow earthlings? How come they are not interested in listening to my crib? Now, you tell me! Why shouldn’t I crib?

No, there’s really no specific time and place for my cribbing. Anywhere. Anytime. I let go when I feel like it. I can crib about the erosion of culture, lack of sugar in my coffee and yes, Celsius too…

Sometimes, I mumble. Just enough to be heard. Sometimes I gradually increase decibels till I get the required attention. Sometimes I grumble in my mind. All the cuss-words are spoken out aloud in my mind. Pure luxury is when I can mouth it all out aloud.

Especially with auto-drivers whose meters run faster than the auto; Vegetable vendors who price swings and excuse spins are worse than Kumble’s; a Bush’s goofy war games; our politicians narrow-minded, divisive policies and most of all our own people who trust them. I can flit from the lack of good cigars and the rising price of B/L to whaling in Antartica in a moment. I have lots to crib about. Right now, my fingers are paining with all this typing. @#$%^@#$%$%